Husband and wife jokes

Husband and wife jokes In English

” My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me. “

” My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.”

My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant. “

Funny Jokes For Wife

” Husband texts to wife on cell..
“Hi,what r you doing Darling?”
Wife: I’m dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”
Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”
Husband: “Bloody English Language! “

” Husband: ALLAH ne tumhein 2 aakhen di hain
chaawal se patthar nahi nikal sakti?
WIFE: ALLAH ne tumhe 32 daant diye hai
2-4 patthar nhi chaba sakte? “

” ek admi doston ki mehfil se raat late ghar gaya
dosto ne pucha k wife ne kuch kaha to nahi
admi bola nahi kuch khas nahi bus ye
2 dant to mai wesay bhi niklwane wala tha “

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Funny Jokes for Husband

” Two ladies talk:
– I have congratulated my husband with his birthday – I presented him with the set of spoon-baits
– What a great idea and logic idea – your husband has been going to fish every weekend for the last ten years.
– Indeed. But the problem is that he looked at the set of those spoon-baits and asked what it is…”

” A couple is celebrating their 30 years anniversary of marriage. The husband asks his wife:
– We have grown 12 kids. But Johnny is different from the rest. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know – maybe you have cheated on me?
The wife replies:
– Yes, I was. Johnny is your real son…”

” Wife to husband:
– Honey, Robert called you.
– What did he want.
– He asked to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow.
– Why not?
– Because the bar was closed for the repair works.”

Funny Jokes for He and She

” A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” 
The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.”

” He said- “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?”
She said – “That’s a good idea.! You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and snore.”

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